


Peter "What Dog?" Parker

by coconutknightshade



Series: IronDad Bingo: Take One [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: ADOPT DONT SHOP PETER PARKER SAYS SO, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Family, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, PETER PARKER AND STEVE ROGERS SHARE A LOVE FOR SAVING STRAY DOGS, SAM wilson is exasperated by their antics, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutknightshade/pseuds/coconutknightshade
Summary: The one thing every Avenger can agree on is that dogs are Steve Rogers and Peter Parker's primary weakness. It's exasperating? Endearing? Inescapable?---"Steve! The highlight of your day is here.""What? That doesn't- Oh my God, look at it!"The man's voice lifts smoothly from confused to an octave that matched beautifully Peter's own excitement when he spotted the dog. He comes to a full stop, bringing a hand up to his chest and practically melts.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: IronDad Bingo: Take One [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695484
Comments: 52
Kudos: 475
Collections: All the Cutes!, Peter Parker's Tales





	Peter "What Dog?" Parker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunannex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunannex/gifts), [searchingforstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingforstars/gifts), [ArdenSkyeHolmes221](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArdenSkyeHolmes221/gifts).



> It took me a month to circle back around and finish it, but I did! Shout out to my discord fam, who urged me to take a few lines of crack!dialogue and turn it into a fic. Ya'll are the bestest and sweetest!! 
> 
> Skye, I hope you enjoy my Easter Egg!

It was an accident, really. 

Well, maybe not an _accident_.

More like an impulsive decision. 

Well, maybe not _impulsive_. 

Really, it's May's fault. She isn't a huge fan of dogs - _obviously, she's not human_. Therefore, when Peter finds a sweet, sweet doggo in an alley, _abandoned,_ and covered in fleas, he does the only thing he can. He takes the pupper to the heart of New York… To the apartment of a man whose Instagram is nothing but selfies with the dogs of strangers he pass on the street.

It usually goes something like this: 

_"Oh my god, you're Captain America!"_

_"Oh my god, look at your_ _dogs_ _, they are such good dogs! Perfect. Magnificent. Please let me take a selfie."_

And thus, much to the dismay of literally not a single soul in this world, Steve Rogers' social media exists entirely of dogs and the occasional rant about vaccinating your children. Needless to say, Peter Parker is about to make Steve Rogers' day. 

It's Sam who opens the door. He takes one look at Peter and the fleabag in his arms and rolls his eyes, stepping back into the apartment so the kid can slip in. 

"Steve! The highlight of your day is here." 

"What? That doesn't- Oh my God, _look at it!"_

The man's voice lifts smoothly from confused to an octave that matched beautifully Peter's own excitement when _he_ spotted the dog. He comes to a full stop, brings a hand up to his chest and practically melts.

Spider-Man's Instagram isn't filled entirely with dogs. Still, the internet nearly broke after Captain America first posted a selfie of himself _and_ Spider-Man with a litter of pups that some starstruck young woman had walked through the park. 

This dog, though - This dog is by no means a young pup. In fact, by the graying fur scattering across her snout, Peter, in his professional dog-loving opinion, would age the dog to be… well, old. It's not the mad splash of white, brown, and black that give away her mixed Australian Shepherd identity, but the heterochromatic eyes. 

The dog pants openly, happy. Peter can sense this. Not through his Spidey-sense, but through his Pupper-sense. Something that is _very much real, Mr. Stark._ Her tail swishes from left to right and back again. She's taken everything in stride, letting the kid carry her down the sidewalk, relaxed even though he'd pause periodically and pose unabashedly for the people who had pulled their phones out. He'd throw up a peace sign the best he could and call out, _"Adopt, don't shop!"_

"Isn't she perfect?" Peter pulls his mask off, near tears at the beauty that is the dog in his arms. Sam is having absolutely none of it, voice bordering somewhere between exasperated and apathetic. 

"Peter, I can almost _see_ the fleas jumping off her."

"It's what's underneath the fleas that count," Steve defends, ushering Peter and the dog towards the bathroom. "Besides, give me twenty minutes, and you won't see anything but a clean-'

"Wet dog in our apartment?"

"Ignore him," Steve says, hands cradling the dog's face. "He's had a rough life. Doesn't recognize the pure of heart like Pete and I do."

Again Sam rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as he follows the two of them into the bathroom and leans against the door jam. "Steve, you _literally_ time traveled from the forties. But I've had a rough life?"

"They had dogs in the forties too, Wilson," he throws over his shoulder, somewhat distracted as he tests the temperature of the water. Both Steve and Peter are well practiced by now, and it only takes Steve nodding towards the counter for Peter to dig through the cabinets under the sink. He huffs triumphantly when he finds the dog shampoo. 

Peter throws Sam a smug look as Steve gently lifts the dog into the tub. Steve only calls Sam "Wilson" when he's having none of the man's shit. Or when they're in the middle of maneuvers or, ya know, an actual battle. 

The way the pup settles her body against the side of the tub and continues to pant, tail swishing at a steady pace, tells Peter and Steve she'll be one of the easier dogs they've done this for in the past. 

"You're so happy to be clean, aren't you?" Peter hovers over Steve's shoulder while he scrubs the dog down, wishing he weren't on patrol so he could peel out of the suit and be more helpful. 

\---

"There's no way May's going to let you keep this dog." Sam huffs when the dog _shake-shake-shakes_ once Steve pulls the towel off her in the living room 

"I know that," Peter says indignantly, Spider-Suit cast aside in favor of sweat pants and a white Henley, both of which swallows him whole. It's worth it, though. He's practically hanging onto the dog's neck as he scoots closer to the dog on the floor. Steve's right there with him, offering gentle pets as he goes back to toweling him dry. "I was _thinking_ -"

"Absolutely not," Sam cuts in. "This apartment has a strict no dog policy, and we're already pushing our luck inviting Spiders to walk in like they own the place." Peter and Steve grin at each other when Sam throws his arms up and stalks into the kitchen. 

"As I was saying," Peter begins again. "I was thinking-"

 _"Compound,"_ they both finish at the same time. 

\---

Peter's not sure why _this_ is the dog he decides to keep, and Peter doesn't bother with trying to puzzle it out as he rides in the back of Steve's jeep with the dog stretched out across the seat. She's got her head rested on Peter's lap, tail still wagging as Peter scritches behind the ear. They've already snapped both Natasha and Clint. And where Natasha sends a snap back of the book she's reading - _All the Light We Cannot See_ \- with the text _'Let me guess, I'm taking care of it when you monsters aren't around',_ Clint snaps back a selfie with a hand over his chest and head thrown back with a pained expression. His snap has only a series of crying emojis splashed over the photo. 

Peter sends back ' _Mood_ ' just as they come to a stop behind the compound. The dog, who has yet to be named, sits up eagerly, and Peter wants to cry. 

"She's just _so_ cute," Peter says, sounding like he's on the verge of fake tears. Steve turns around in his seat to look at them and, before he can speak, Peter takes the dog's face in his hands, turns it towards the man, and with his own cheek pressed against the dog's, adds, "But like, have you seen this dog? Look at her, Steve. _Really_ look at her. Have you ever seen something so magnificent? Perfect? Showstopping?"

Steve grins, reaches back, and pets the side of the dog's face briefly before turning to Peter with a severe expression. 

"Tony can't know, Pete. Not after the fiasco with the ferrets."

"He's so dramatic. It wasn't even that big a deal," Peter laments, voice pitched into a whine that has the dog shoving her face against Peter's with concern. 

"Or the Chinchilla's."

Peter winces at the memory. "Okay, maybe he's not _too_ dramatic."

"Yes, he is," Steve assures. "But that's not the point. Nat says she'll let her stay in her suite, but we can't force her to look after her _all_ the time."

"Do you think Natasha knows that I'm in love with her?" Peter smooches the side of the dog's face like three times, heart exploding as the dog's tail moves faster with each kiss. 

"I think she knows that you're a sucker for any animal you cross paths with." Steve is pulling the leash from a bag stuffed with all of the essentials plus a hundred unessential supplies. It's _mayhap_ possible that Peter and Steve had gone overboard at the pet store. But Steve, bless him, had a SHIELD expense card that nobody questioned. Anyway. They've basically created a puppy diaper bag. Well, two of them. 

Yeah. Overboard. 

Peter hums in response. Can't argue with her there. 

"Alright. Got it," he adds. "She's babysitting, not co-parenting. I accept this dastardly decision on her part. More floofer for us." 

"I'm going to take _so_ many photos," Steve says absently as he gathers everything together, finally passing the leash back to Peter. 

Peter mutters _'gently'_ to himself as he removes the elderly dog onto the ground. Elderly she may be, but the dog is ecstatic to be free of the vehicle, pulling Peter this way and that until finally, she finds the _perfect_ spot to mark. 

"I love her so much already." Steve's got a "diaper" bag on each arm and a gaze that never wavers from the dog. It's as they're approaching the back entrance that Peter pauses and turns to Steve. 

"Do you think Mr. Stark will notice if I'm suddenly up here _every_ weekend rather than just, ya know, every _other_ weekend?" The dog tugs on the leash, and Peter stumbles forward as Steve walks ahead to badge them in. 

"Not at all. Tony loves having you up here. I'm sure if he had his way, you'd be up daily."

Peter tries not to let his cheeks warm as profoundly as his heart does. He ducks his head, but Steve still grins, though he keeps any further comment to himself.

\---

"Yes, Peter. I see her." Natasha is sitting on her coffee table, curled forward with her forearms on her knees. 

"I don't think you do, though," Peter says, pained. He's lying on his back across the floor of her main room. He's reaching up to scratch the dog's neck as it sits behind his head, basically hovering over him. Natasha shakes her head. Peter's asked her this at least three times since he and Steve barged into her rooms. "Can I stay the night?"

"No," Steve answers for her. "It's a school night."

Peter sits up, jaw dropped. "Captain America, are you bossing me around?"

"You never mind when we're out on maneuvers."

"That's different, and you know it."

"I'm looking out for you, and you know it. If May talks to Tony-"

"I thought we were friends. I thought we were in this together. Two men and a dog against the world. Well, against Tony."

"A man, a _kid_ , and a dog," Natasha amends, looking amused. 

"Oh wow, I came here to have a good time with a pupper, and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now. I brought this bundle joy into your world, Nat, and I can take her right back out."

"Right," Natasha says, pulling herself to her feet. "I'll show you to the door."

"What? No! I was joking." He wiggles to the left a bit, gripping her pants at the ankle. "Come back!" 

\---

Peter's in class when the series of back to back to back texts come through. He snatches it off the desk where it's vibrating uncomfortably loud and, under the desk, pulls the chat open to see a series of pictures from "Man of Iron" - _thanks, Thor, for that one_. 

He's met with a picture of Ava - "It's _cute, Nat! Short for Avengers" "That would make exactly one of you an Avenger" "Rude"_ \- sitting, staring up at the camera all open mouth panting, and she has _the cutest_ bandana around her neck. Natasha! Bless her, had put her in the Captain America one. Steve had been over the moon when he'd spotted Avengers-themed memorabilia at Petco. He was definitely close to tears. Of this, Peter is certain. And right now, _Peter_ is close to tears. He dramatically collapses to the side, hitting Ned and dropping his head onto his friend's shoulder. 

_"Ned,"_ Peter laments, "I'm in love." 

Quietly - just barely - Ned gasps, head turning towards his friend. Peter looks up at him with puppy eyes when Ned says, "With _whomst_ and why am I just now hearing about it?" 

Peter tilts his phone towards his best friend. "Isn't she perfect, Ned? I mean, _look_ at her!" 

Ned snorts, rolls his eyes playfully, and pushes Peter off him. "I thought you were serious. I was _concerned_ , Peter." 

"I _am_ serious, Ned! Have you ever seen a more perfect dog?"

"Of course I have! Her name is _Echo_ , and I would die for her!" 

At the mention of Ned's own fluffy pup, Peter clutches his chest. "Echo _is_ perfect, isn't she?" 

They're interrupted by another series of messages coming through. Peter snorts, turning his attention back to the phone, eyes dancing between the teacher and his phone. ~~Fortunately~~ , Mr. Langley doesn't have the _best_ of vision, so it's always a mad dash for a spot at the back of the room, very Hunger Games style. 

**Man of Iron:** _Leave me on read when I have a wayward dog in my kitchen one more time, Parker_

 **Underoos:** _what dog?_

 **Man of Iron:** _Try again_

 **Underoos:** _m_ _ust be a stray_

 **Man of Iron:** _The compound is an hour from civilization_

 **Underoos:** _wow, someone abandoned their dog out there??_

 **Man of Iron:** _Peter, it's literally wearing a bandana with Cap's shield on it. which, we WILL be talking about later_

 **Underoos:** _captain america APPRECIATES her_

 **Man of Iron:** _What? How many people know about her?_

 **Underoos:** _it would be faster to tell you how many people don't know about her_

 **Man of Iron:** _Your betrayal cuts deep, Kid_

 **Underoos:** _you'll get over it. anyway, as you can see, she is not a wayward dog_

 **Man of Iron:** _Uh, no. She is the very definition of a wayward dog_

 **Underoos** _: mr. stark. Ava is part of the family now. an Ava-nger (see what I did there?). it wasn't my first choice. even though clint and sam were on board with it, steve said I couldn't name her Tony Bark_

 **Man of Iron:** _Steve has a strong sense of self-preservation_

 **Underoos:** _well, yeah, has to. he's not adorable like me. and science proves that babies are cute so that predators don't kill them. it's me; i'm baby_

 **Man of Iron:** _Shame that you're one of the ugly ones_

 **Underoos:** _see, now you're just being mean_

 **Man of Iron:** _And you're deflecting_

 **Underoos:** _okay, but mr. stark, you're missing what's really important here_

 **Man of Iron:** _That being?_

 **Underoos:** _that she's the most perfect dog i've ever encountered. i mean, brilliant. talented. showstopping_

 **Man of Iron:** _Pete, you say that about every dog you meet_

 **Underoos:** _and i've never been wrong_

 **Man of Iron:** _If you aren't here to get her by sunset, I'm taking her to the pound_

 **Underoos:** _you would never!_

 **Man of Iron:** _Guess we'll find out, won't we?_

 **Underoos:** _pepper's right. you ARE dramatic. thousand bucks says by the end of the day Ava is your fur baby and i have to take you to court for custody_

 **Man of Iron:** _Didn't know you had a grand to lose, Spiderling. But sure, I'll play_

\--- 

When Peter finally makes it up to Tony's suite at the compound, he's met with the sight of _The_ Tony Stark napping on the sofa curled around the _most perfect dog Peter has ever seen_ , and a check for a thousand dollars abandoned on the coffee table. 

**Author's Note:**

> Bless! This was such a treat to write! I hope you all enjoyed it! <3
> 
> Catch me at [Coconutknightshade](https://coconutknightshade.tumblr.com/) for more IronDad content!  
> Catch [Lunannex](https://lunannex.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!!  
> Catch [Searchingforstars](https://searchingforstarss.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!!  
> Catch [Ardenskyedarcy221b](https://ardenskyedarcy221b.tumblr.com/)!!
> 
> Every one of them are absolutely amazing and I ADORE THEM AND I HOPE THEY ARE HAVING A LOVELY DAY!!


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